Two?

Two months.

Chris and I will be getting married in less than two months.

For a while, I was trying to publish a sort of “countdown” post each month. I thought it would be interesting to be able to look back and see how I felt as each month went by leading up to the wedding. The last time I posted one was at five, and I think that’s about right. Five…and then holy crap it’s less than two months away. It was unintentional, but I think I managed to accurately capture the feeling of these past three months.

I’m definitely feeling the crunch. There are still so many things to decide and finalize, and now that we’re down to the wire I’m starting to doubt some of the decisions I’ve already made. Is the dress really the dress? What about dahlias instead of calla lilies? Fondant or buttercream? Veil or no veil? Is Vegas still an option?

I was unaware when we entered into this process how difficult it was going to be to go at it alone. Maybe I have an inaccurate picture in my mind, but I imagine that many brides have their mothers, grandmothers, and even aunts alongside them to help figure out all those stupid little details that I never thought would matter until all of a sudden they did. I imagine they have their Maid of Honor and bridesmaids at their side to go shopping for accessories or to dress fittings or for simple stabilizing conversation over coffee.

This is not to say that any of the above people have not been there for me—it’s just that my family and my Maid of Honor are a plane ride away. My future sister-in-law is hours out of town, and both she and my third bridesmaid have hectic schedules. And if the pre-wedding stuff wasn’t difficult enough, I’ve found out that most (and I really do mean most) of my family won’t be there on that day. I was aware of some of these thing going into this, and I can absolutely understand them all.

Still, it hasn’t been easy and has made wedding planning a lonely process. Chris and I both agree that all of this has taught us a lot about how we want to treat the people we care about in our life, particularly in their most important times. It has astounded both of us to see that so many people think of weddings and the events surrounding them as inconveniences, instead of the joyful rites of passage and celebrations of love and life that they are meant to be. I can’t imagine feeling anything but overjoyed and eager to participate as the people close to us experience these things.

Over Labor Day weekend, Chris and I attended the wedding of our good friends Amir and Angela. They got engaged around the same time that we did and we’ve been sort of planning our weddings alongside one another. Our trip there involved a flight and a two-hour drive from the airport to the town in which the wedding would take place. The whole way up, all I could think about was how excited I was for them. At the wedding, my heart burst to see their love and happiness. On the trip back the next day, the residual joy kept me smiling.

I suppose it could have been a whole flight, and a long-ass car ride, and two nights in a hotel, and money out of our pockets, and a total inconvenience for us. In what universe, I couldn’t say, but there are apparently people who live there.

So, about the only thing I am feeling solid and taking solace in at this point is my choice in groom, which is ultimately all I need. His take on our present situation is: Two months?! But that’s so far away! It’s sort of adorable and somewhat annoying….because there’s still so damn much to do! But even while I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that another month will magically pop up in the middle of it all and give me more time, I can understand where he’s coming from.

I’m ready. I’m ready to do it. I’m ready to say those words and make it official. I’m ready to be past this lonely, frustrating, disappointing planning stage, to have everything over and decided, to just relax and enjoy our day.

And I am so ready for the honeymoon.